Windows of Heaven

I began this holiday season with a bad attitude. I had set some expectations for how I thought things should be and when those expectations weren't met I was angry. A couple of days before Thanksgiving I realized I needed to fix my attitude or else I was going to ruin the holidays for my family, and especially my kids. I was praying for help when I felt that I should keep a gratitude journal from that day through Christmas. Now I can see what a difference that one simple thing has made in my life. Some nights I have to really think hard to come up with five things I was grateful for that day, but last night I really started to see the hand of the Lord in my life. About ten years ago during tithing settlement our Bishop challenged us to start paying a fast offering he read from the scriptures about the windows of heaven being open and pouring out a blessing that you would not have room enough to receive it. My thought then was "I don't know, I have a lot of room". I really am so blessed. I have everything I need and a lot of what I want. Last night I was able to see how much I have been given, and the fact that I didn't even realize it showed that I didn't have room to receive it. I guess I should look at the scripture now and try to make room by being more aware of all that I have been given. I needed a kick in the pants to make me look around and see how great life really is. To steal a quote from TAMN of Seriously So Blessed, My life is a Kick-A Fairytale. It really is.

Time for me

I have been trying to figure out what it is that my family needs, what it is that I should be doing for my husband, my kids, our home school. The answers have come to me from varying sources, but have all been the same. I'm no good to anyone if I don't take care of myself. I've never thought of myself as kind or putting others needs before my own, but as I've thought about how I spend my time and energy I realize I put what I want at the bottom of my to do list. I'm not looking for sympathy, because I think every mom does the same thing. I am grateful for this life that I've been given and maybe one way to show appreciation to my Heavenly Father is to enjoy my life, and not add more pressure and more guilt. I'm so tired of guilt, its exhausting. I quit guilt!

Its time to unite! Moms of the world; do one thing today that you want to do. One thing that doesn't have to be done, but that is on your mind that you would like to do. I've actually done almost 3 today! I am taking an online scrapbooking class, and I started on that project (its a gratitude memory box-I'm so excited about it), I left a message with my favorite hair stylist to get my hair done, and I'm blogging. I love blogging. I love to read others thoughts and I love having a forum to share my own. I am also going out with my hubby tonight for his birthday (its on Sunday), and I am so excited about that! I would love to hear what you do today just for you, so leave me a comment and let me know!

I quit the daily schedule!

If you know me well, you know I live for a schedule, and routine. It is what helped me during those postpartum months, and saves me when things are in limbo. I love a schedule so much that I have gone so far as to map out my day hour by hour, sometimes even by the half hour. I sat down yesterday to type up the new schedule for this school year, and I felt the frustration coming. I don't like having my days mapped out to be that ridged. The problem is, if I get off the schedule somewhere, or just don't feel like doing something, my day is ruined and I feel like a failure. There are plenty of other things that are worth getting your day ruined over like when you buy a 32oz. Diet Coke and your sweet 6 year old spills it right after you get it home, but that's another issue. I think I'm hard enough on myself without some piece of paper making me feel worse.
So, here is my solution. Our mornings are pretty structured, we start with Scriptures at 7:15, then instead of being driven by the clock its more of an order of things that come next. We have Job meeting, breakfast, devotional, and I make the daily school list. I am going to have certain benchmarks, that keep us going throughout the day, or help get us back on task if we stray a little (I'm all for being open to where a new thought will take us, who know what we might learn along the way, and I don't want to stifle any learning). So, we have jobs and school in the morning, then I start Lunch at 12:00, followed by finishing up school. I start Dinner at 5:00, bedtime is 8:00. I have our big calendar in kitchen that has the times of lessons and appointments, and I can glance at that throughout the day so I don't forget anything important.
I feel a weight has been lifted. I don't need every hour of my day planned in order to be productive! I have my school log that I fill in each day, so that I make sure all the really important stuff happens. Its more important that it happens, then what time it happens. I'm still finding my way down this home-school path, and it has only taken me a year to figure this part out. If I am stressed about a schedule all day, I'm not creating the learning environment for my children that I want. This is huge for me!

Homemaking vs. Housekeeping

Darren and I had an interesting conversation yesterday that has kept rolling around in my head. I have been reading the Worldwide Leadership training pamphlet, and I was looking back through the notes that I took the day that it was broadcast. I had written "A lack of homemaking leads to emotional Homelessness." Darren and I then started talking about homemaking and that too often we equate homemaking to a clean house. I believe that there are principles to homemaking and certainly keeping our homes neat is one principle, but I think there is more to homemaking than a clean house. As I thought back to my home growing up I remember comparing our home to my friends houses. It seemed that our house was never quite as clean as everyone else's house, I am sure now that my point of view was somewhat off. We had awesome neighbors, the family across the street was like a second home to me. JoAnne was my Young Women's leader and a second Mom, I could talk to her about anything, and the awesome thing as I look back now was that she always backed up my parents. It seemed like her house was always clean and one day when I was saying something about our house not being as clean she said "You guys have 6 kids, I only have 3". JoAnne taught me something great that day. It wasn't just about having a clean house. It seems like she went on to list all the things my mom did that she didn't. My mom is a great seamstress and sewed a lot of our clothes. She kept 6 kids organized and got us where we needed to be, when we needed to be there, and we participated in a lot of lessons and sports and stuff. She didn't (doesn't) like to cook, but she still taught me how to read and follow a recipe. So as I think about homemaking I think its looking at your family, seeing what your family needs and meeting those needs. Its about having an idea of what will and won't happen in your home and building life around those values. It does involve cooking and cleaning, but if that was all, then everyone that hires a cook and a housekeeper would be a good homemaker as well. That is why I think Sis. Beck says that women in the Church should be the best homemakers. We know what should go on in our homes and what shouldn't, because of that knowledge our homes reflect that.

Another Em rant to start your Monday.

Stuff

I just need to vent a little so, indulge me. I guess no one is making you read it anyway.
Isn't it funny how much truth we all know, yet we don't live it? I mean we can give all the right answers in a Sunday School lesson, but when it comes down to the daily grind, its just that- a grind (Sometimes, sometimes it is all truth and happiness-this is not one of those times). For example, I have two (maybe more, but two that I recognize) unproductive ways of dealing with stress one is eating and the other is shopping. Eating out kind of combines the two, good times! Anyway, I know that its just stuff, and that stuff will not make me happy, yet I continue to buy stuff. Then I have to sit down with the budget(yes, I just finished balancing my budget) and there is all of my stuff reminding me that its just stuff, and didn't make me happy. Spending the time with my sister or even alone buying the stuff made me happy, but not the stuff. Stuff is a funny word when you say it over and over try it stuff, stuff, stuff. Ok, I feel better. Hopefully none of you think less of me now that you know I am not perfect when it comes to handling money. It is one of life's struggles.

Look at this funny picture of my dog, Keno. He at some chili.