New insight- cooking calms my nerves

I just realized today that cooking helps me relieve stress, although the previous post should have given me a clue. I know this is true for lots of people (Tiff loves to cook and makes brownies when she's stressed), but I never thought I was one of those people. I like to cook, and I have found the process of chopping vegetables to be therapeutic, something about taking a bunch of ingredients and making something wonderful. I also like being able to make a meal for my family that is really delicious.

A while ago Mandi led me to Our Best Bites,(see button to the left) they have such good recipes. They are all tried, and perfected, easy and so yummy. I have made lots of their recipes, but this week I have been obsessed. It started with making the Asian BBQ chicken, and then taking the leftovers to make pizza on the grill (which btw was easy and so fun). Friday morning Darren worked from home and I got up to look for a yummy breakfast, and made breakfast taquitos -so good! Plus, this summer I have become obsessed with wanting to own a small, counter top ice cream maker. Especially when OBB had a snickerdoodle ice cream recipe (I LOVE cinnamon, and really LOVE snickerdoodles). After searching my local Target, and Walmart for ice cream makers I turned to the internet and good old Amazon came through. My ice cream maker was set to be delivered on Thursday. I planned my whole day around it! I even made sugar cookies (our best bites, of course) to put in the ice cream. When I saw the UPS man leave without delivering my ice cream maker I wanted to eat a bag of M&Ms I was so upset. Lucky for my waist he came back, and ice cream making was back on. I made the custard, which had to cool overnight, put the ice cream freezer in the freezer, and I was set to make snickerdoodle ice cream Friday night. It did not disappoint- so good that when I woke up this morning I grabbed a spoon and headed for the freezer.

What does this have to do with stress relief? I'm getting to that. Since yesterday's ice cream was so good I decided I needed to try another flavor. I was torn between blueberry cheesecake and caramelized banana. I chose the banana because I have some bananas that need to be used.

Today we went shopping to get Shelby (and me) ready for girls camp. We only needed to buy a few things, but it was stressing me out. We still need to get her secret sister stuff. Plus, since I'm going too, and being the planner that I am, I've been trying to figure out: 1)what snacks I need to bring, so that I can eat healthy,2)what is the best way to get my trailer to girls camp, 3)Darren is coming for the first night as priesthood, so what does he need to bring, and 4)what do we do with Sarah while we're all gone. I finally have that all figured out, but when we got home from shopping I was feeling a little fried, so I decided to caramelize the bananas and get my custard for the ice cream chilling so I can make it tomorrow. That did the trick, totally helped me unwind. Who knew? I didn't have to eat a thing, just cook. That is a revelation.

My house isn't clean, but I'm making cupcakes

So I am happy. Today I feel happy. It's been a bit of a rough week with my grandma passing. My bathrooms are clean, my bedroom is almost clean, and I'm sifting through the paper that seems to gather in piles around my house. Darren and I took Keno to get his shots today, and then decided to see if we could get him to the groomer as long as we were out and had him with us. The groomer(Scotty's K-9 design-who we love and is local in Saratoga Springs) could get him in today. I have an app on my phone that lets me check movie times, and we could get into a showing of Robin Hood, while Keno was getting groomed so we thought, "why not?". It was great to spend the day with Darren, and its great to put things back in order at home. Plus I got my hair done yesterday, and that is always a lift to my spirit.

I love my grandma, and I will miss her. I have realized this week what I have learned from her; mostly the value of running a home and doing it well. She did. I have also realized how much my family means to me. My parents are my rock, and I have leaned on them for support, and maybe they don't know that, but they have lifted me up this week. I have awesome brothers and sisters, and great cousins, and aunts and uncles that I want to keep in touch with and have them be a part of my life.

So mostly life is good. I really am living the dream when I stop and think about what I always wanted for my life and how things are working out. I owe that to a loving Heavenly Father. Thank you.

Where I'm at

Sometimes I forget I have a blog, and sometimes I just don't know how to write what I'm thinking. I worry that I get too philosophical and that it turns people off, but really that's me. I'm always looking for the meaning of what's going on in my world. So here's here's what's going on in my world.

1.I have two awesome kids!

2.I was released from my Primary calling. I went through a bit of an identity crisis, but not to worry I ate my way through. I also learned that I can survive change, I am not perfect, but I do "Keep Moving Forward"

3.I am struggling with my motivation for healthy living, I am awesome at working out, but the eating is another story. When I started teaching I chose to go to Weight Watchers on Saturday. Its hard to give up a Saturday morning, Darren likes to make waffles on Saturday, and I would have to skip, because I was going to weigh in, plus stuff always comes up or happens on Saturday, so I was missing meetings a lot. Tiff is my loyal buddy and we try to keep each other motivated, but we were really missing our "kick butt" leader. We took the leap and went at night to a class that she teaches, not knowing what that would do to our numbers, lived through it, then Easter candy happened and I am trying to find my motivation.

4. I read blogs today and learned that two of my friends are really struggling and my heart goes out to them. Its always frustrating to me when I get so caught up in my life, that I miss when those I love are hurting. Just know that I love you and you are in my prayers.

5.Darren's parent's mission began yesterday. They are living at home while they go to the MTC, so they aren't gone yet. I am so proud of them! Darren's parents are such great examples to me. We have spent a lot of time with his family the last few weeks, there have been decisions to make and it has been a little stressful, but one of the things I love about the Shipley's is that they are always there for each other when you need them. I love you all.

6. My parents are moving! I am so excited for them! They have bought a very nice house in West Jordan (our home town), back where they belong.

7. I am starting to earn my Personal Progress award with Shelby. When our Ward YW presidency mentioned doing this with our daughters at New Beginnings in January I just thought "I'm too busy, and I can't take on one more thing." Then I got released from my stake calling, and when I went to recognition night with Shelby and the Mothers were challenged again I thought "maybe" then during conference someone said it again and I thought "ok I get the point". Yesterday I bought myself a book, read through it and picked out my first goal. I am going to work on the same value as Shelby. She is almost done with Knowledge, and then plans to work on Integrity, so that is where I'm starting. Part of the reason I was reluctant to do this was that I earned my medallion when I was a Young Woman, so I thought I was good, but the Spirit has told me I need to do this with my daughters. My plan is to earn the award with Shelby and then work on the honor bee award with Sarah, when she turns 12 in 4 years.

8. How perfect for number 8-Sarah is turning 8! I can't believe it! I thought Shelby was so big when she turned 8, but Sarah is still little, but seems to be getting bigger in my eyes every day. She is having an animal rescue party on Saturday, that will be so much fun! I love my Sarah, she has such a sweet testimony wrapped up in her fiery spirit.

9. Its spring break, and there is snow on the ground! What's up with that? I am so ready for warm weather!

Reading

I love to read! My favorite afternoon activity is reading, I love to get all cozed up(a Sarah phrase), and read, maybe even take a little nap. I have this dilemma when it comes to reading. I pick something I think I want to read and then if I don't get totally sucked in I start reading something else. I still want to read the previous selection, so I end up with about 5 or so books on my nightstand(which is why my nightstand is now a bookcase) that I intend to read. So, I've been reading the same three books for a month,(one of them is a tip a day book, so who knows how long that will take me), in the meantime I've read a couple of other books. Last night I finished the 2nd Percy Jackson book (its Shelby's, but I love them-we are so excited for the movie to come out this weekend), today I am looking for something to read. I opened a goodreads account and that is helping me organize my big list of books I want to read. Which brings me to my second dilemma. When I started on this Thomas Jefferson Education path (our home school philosophy) part of that is being well read and learning from the classics, not an easy task when your trying to educate your children as well, but that is something for another post. So then there is the choice of what I want to read, plus the classics which I also want to read, but fall more under the category of 'should' read. I know I make things complicated. There is something about if its what I want and enjoy I must do all the 'shoulds' first. I scanned my lists, and then my bookcase, put a few books on hold with the library, and have decided to go with something that was sitting on my nightstand. Happy reading.

Change

Big changes are happening in our house this week! I'm not one that deals with change well, but this week has gone exceptionally well, which is a reminder to me that my Heavenly Father has a hand in my life and is helping me through this change. So lets get on with it, right?

Since I'm a story teller, you get the whole back story. When I was deciding about home schooling my kids a mom in my colloquia I was attending at the time told me about the Kimber Academy, and LDS private school, her kids had just started attending. I loved what she had to say and it sounded like the best of both worlds the kids go 3 days a week for 4 hours, they get the benefit of being in school and being home, it sounded perfect. I looked into it more and it just came down to we couldn't afford it. Fast forward to the Kimber Academy opening a school in Lehi. I was so excited, maybe some day my kids could go there. My brother in law, Mike, knew of the Kimber family from his home school days, and enrolled Carter in the school in Lehi. I received an email through the Eagle Mountain homeschoolers message board about elective class being taught at the Kimber Academy. I had had my eye out for a good art class for my kids, and art was one of the classes that they were offering, so my kids started going to art once a week, and loved it. Every month Tiffanie tells me about the great parent meeting and how awesome the school is. Then, a little while ago Tiffanie told me that Carter's teacher was quitting to have a baby. I started bouncing the idea of teaching there around in my head. One day I asked Tiff what she thought of me applying for the job. She was very encouraging and got some information for me. My main thought was, would my kids be able to go there if I taught. After a lot of prayer Darren and I decided I should go ahead and apply. I interviewed last week and was offered the job as the teacher of the reading class on Monday. I started teaching on Tuesday. My kids also started going to class on Tuesday. What an amazing week.

My kids, especially Shelby, love the school. I have been praying a lot about what it is that Shelby needs right now, and I don't think its a coincidence that this is happening right now. A light has come on with her that is so exciting to see. Sarah is also happy to be there, and its great for me to be there too, so she can come and see me whenever she needs to. I love my class, I'm so excited about the curriculum that I get to teach and my kids get to learn.

It has been a crazy week, figuring out our new schedule. Mike and Tiff have been such a big help and things could not have gone so well if weren't for Mike taking the kids to school. I am so excited about this opportunity for our family.

Finding Joy in January

I've mentioned this before, January is my least favorite month. The main reason is that January is so gray, the sky is cloudy and days of blue sky seem rare. So this year I have had this idea of finding joy in January bouncing around in my head, and as I've thought about this past week I've realized that so far so good. Let me share why.

First, in our Relief Society our ward is focusing on making "Home a Heaven" each month has a room for you to work on in spiritual, physical, financial, and emotional ways. There is a scripture that goes a long with each month and a FHE to have to work on that room. This month the room is the bedroom. This week Target had a 3-shelf bookcase on sale for $16 dollars I went a picked one up; and now it serves as my night stand, but clears all the books that I'm working on reading right now, that I have stacked throughout my room, into one place. I love it! I have also decided that I am going to finally get Shelby's room done. Do you remember that quilt I started a year and a half ago? Well, I'm going to finish it, get her room painted, paint the picture frames and shelf in her room, and get new ribbon for her mirrors, and get it done. I am working on binding her quilt and I have two sides completed, so I'm almost done. Sarah's room has also gotten some attention this week. I rearranged; hoping to make it easier for her to make her bed; I also realized her room could use a new coat of paint, that will have to wait-one project at a time.

The next thing bringing me joy is reading. I have always loved reading. I haven't set some great New Year's resolution, I just want to be healthy -physically, spiritually, and mentally. I have found some books that I am really enjoying that are helping me on that journey. I have been kind of a snob about what I will read; trying to stick with classics (not just old books, but books that have something I can learn) I'm starting to see how broad the definition of a classic can be. I was inspired by Hayley and her list of books she read last year, and I have decided to copy her and make my own list, so that I can look back at the end of the year at what I've read and hopefully what I've learned. I signed up on Goodreads this week, and like having a list like that of books I want to read, and I also like being able to get recommendations from people I know and trust, because there is a lot of garbage out there. Be prepared to hear more about the books I'm reading.

Blogging is giving me joy. I have found some blogs that I really enjoy. I have added the links or buttons on the left. I have made so many yummy things from Our Best Bites, and I love the Fashion Blog (sometimes she talks a little strange, but I found some great tutorials and tying a scarf), reading Nie Nie keeps me humble, and I love Pioneer Woman, and I love reading updates from my friends and family too. I check the blogs in the morning; its my little minute (that can turn into 30 if I'm not careful) that starts my day happy before we jump into school. I know that facebook and twitter are more popular, but I love the blog.

Finally(I know this has been long, thanks for sticking with me), last night we took Shelby to the Temple to do baptisms for the dead for the first time. What an experience. The spirit I felt last night as I was there with her was such a boost, such a confirmation of the truthfulness of temple work. The temple workers were so sweet to her, knowing that it was her first time; taking every opportunity to explain to her what was going on, why they did things a certain way, and where she should go next. Darren got to baptize and confirm her, I was so happy to be there. We learned that only the youth can do temple file names, we adults need to bring family names, just a little info for those of you that haven't done this before. I didn't know that, so I didn't do baptisms, I just watched. But, it did not diminish my experience at all; plus it was great to be able to just be there for Shelby and help her through her first time. It was a great night. I left feeling a desire to be more diligent in my temple attendance. Thank you Shelby, for getting us to the temple last night.

There it is, my Joy in January. There are also some great things to come this month that I am looking forward to. Tomorrow is Ward family FHE, and I'm really looking forward to seeing my family; we really do have a great time together (I'm using the word 'really' a lot). Sarah gets to go to 8 is great next Sunday-I can't believe she is getting baptized this year! We have Christmas Jammie pictures on the 18th, that is always chaos, but the pictures are sooooooooooooooooooooo stinkin' cute! We also get to go to New Beginnings with Shelby, having a Young Woman is a new experience; we are having a lot of firsts right now, maybe I should write about that someday.

As Long as we're sharing bad Christmas pictures

Jenny and Kelly both shared pictures of themselves on Christmas that were less than flattering. After a review of my Christmas pictures I thought I join in the fun.
Like my friends this is the only picture of me on Christmas(isn't my head scarf fabulous?). I think this calls for some action. We Moms should make sure we are better documented in our family's lives. I'm worried that someday my kids will look back through the scrapbooks and say "I think my mom was there".

Mondays

I have a sort of love/hate feeling about Monday. I hate that Darren goes back to work and isn't around all day. I love a fresh start, and that is Monday to me. I love putting the house back to order after the weekend. Tiff told me that she learned Monday's are for recovering from Sunday, that if Sunday doesn't wear you out than your doing something wrong. For me, this was a relief to hear, I thought there was something wrong with me that Sunday (a day of rest) left me so worn out. I think that as we go to church, and try to be in tune with the Spirit, so that we can be guided to our Heavenly Father's will for us, can be exhausting. Let's not talk about extra meetings, getting our family out the door on time, and then keeping them quiet through sacrament meeting. So, ever since I was told that Monday's are a day to recover from Sunday, I have ordered my week so that I am home all day on Monday. It has helped me to really look forward to Mondays. I am able to get so much done, and get my week going in a productive, and positive direction. I got a lot done today, and we had a good school day, it feels good to be productive, and remind myself that I do work hard. I enjoyed a little holiday break, but it felt good to get back to our regular routine today.

Happy New Year!

Mother Goose came! This is a family tradition that I grew up with. You put your shoe under the Christmas tree on New Year's Eve and Mother Goose fills it up! In our family Mother Goose leaves books, I love it!

You may notice the lack of a Christmas tree, or any type of festive decoration, in this picture of my living room, well that is because I took it down a few days ago. Christmas was stressful for me this year and the relief I have felt this week that it is over has been tremendous. I did feel a little guilty "breaking Christmas", as I called it, so early, but I needed to put it away. I did leave our little tree up downstairs for Mother Goose, but everything else is gone! We had a great Christmas. I enjoyed spending time with my family (the four of us and our extended family). I realized how much I love Christmas eve with my family and the Shipley Christmas party. I love the brother/sister dinners. I needed that reminder this year to help me learn which traditions to hang on to and which ones just add more stress to the holidays and need to be let go. I felt the Spirit testify to me of the reality of the birth of my Savior Jesus Christ. That is what Christmas is all about; not all the craziness. I am grateful that I was reminded of that this year, and had the courage to say 'no' when I needed to.

I love new beginnings and looking back at how far we've come over the last year. Since this is the beginning of a new decade I have also thought back to where we were at this time ten years ago; and though we have challenges and struggles now I am grateful to be in this place now. Life is good and I am happy. The bittersweet of it all is that now its January. I don't like January, its cold and gray. I am grateful for everyday that the sky is blue and I can see the sun. So my goal this year (I love goals, and any reason to set one) is to live a healthy life; not just physically (which is always a challenge), but emotionally, and spiritually. I wish you all the same!

Here's what's awesome!

I'm home alone! Well, except for the dogs. I am decorating my house for Christmas- I love decorating for Christmas, it makes me happy! I am also listening to Pandora, which I love and customizing my own Christmas playlist, way fun! It plays on the laptop in the kitchen while I work in the living room. I have been distracted playing on the computer, reading blogs and stuff, but here's the awesome part-It doesn't matter! I'm home alone and I can do whatever I want!!!!!! I went to Holiday and got me a Diet Pepsi, with 2 shots of vanilla and I have a gingerbread scentsy thing melting (its not a real scentsy smell I got it a Robert's, but it is yummy). I think gingerbread is going to be my thing this Christmas(you know how candy corn was it for Halloween). I have already bought these yummy white chocolate gingerbread balls from Target and Little Debbie gingerbread cookies, I haven't had one yet, but they are only 90 calories so I'm looking forward to that treat, maybe later. How did I manage this little gift of alone time you ask? Well let me tell ya. Darren took the girls shooting, that's right my girls are with their dad and uncles shooting guns. I've warned everyone about Sarah's difficulty keeping the commandment of "Thou Shalt Not Kill",(see this post) so let's hope that everyone comes back ok. Have a great Saturday!

A Tag {Fives}

My friend Ashley tagged me! Here goes.

Five Things I don't leave the House without

1. Purse
2. Phone (sometimes I forget)
3. Shoes
4. Make-up on and hair done (unless I'm going to workout)
5. Water bottle or a cup to fill with Diet Pepsi

Five Cartoons I watched when I was Younger

1. Smurfs
2. Jem
3. Scooby Doo
4. Carebears
5. The Flintstone's

Five Things That Terrify Me

1. Something terrible happening to Darren or my kids.
2. Going up the stairs in the dark or with someone behind me.
   
3. Birds
4. Being Sticky
5. Smelling like Pickles

Five Things I hate/dislike that everyone else seems to like

1. Pickles
2. Country Music
3. Walmart
   
4. Oprah
5. The Olive Garden

Five Things I want to do before I Die

1. Go to Europe
2. Go to Asia
3. Go to Hawaii
4. Go on a Mission with Darren
5. Go to the temple with my kids

Five People I tag

1. Tiffanie
2. Tori
3. Dad
4. Liz
5. Hayley
   

Exercise Keeps Me Sane

It true. I skipped a couple of days this week, because my plan for Wed. and Thurs. was to walk/run the hill, but it was just too dang cold. I told myself I would squeeze in some Dance Dance Revolution, but it never happened, its amazing how easily you can talk yourself out of something. Well I was grumpy for those two days, and even found myself arguing with my husband over health care reform, while thinking "Stop it, do you really care this much about health care reform?" Well today I had a workout with my trainer, and as usual she kicked my butt(which needs some lift), and afterward as I was getting ready to do my cardio workout I realized how happy I felt. I had survived another trainer workout, and felt really good. I am ready to take on the day and Halloween!

I think I've OD'd on Candy Corn

I cheated and bought Candy Corn last Saturday (my personal rule was Thursday only). We went to Walmart where I found another brand of gourmet Candy Corn, there was Creme brulee, which Shelby loves, so I bought it. It was good, but just ok good. Then I had to go into town on Tuesday to take the kids to art class, and thought I would run over to Target and get the Cotton Candy flavor, so that I wouldn't need to go on Thursday. I opened that package on Thursday(so that's not really cheating), I don't like the cotton candy, it has a bad artificial sweetner after taste. I was hoping for the yummy burnt sugar flavor that Maggie Moos cotton candy ice cream has, no luck. Thursday I went back to Walmart to get the chocolate caramel candy corn and decided to grab the gourmet pumpkin pie flavor. Again I was disappointed by the pumpkin pie, but the Chocolate Caramel was yummy! So if you were counting that was four flavors of Candy Corn this week. I think I need an intervention. I'm still trying to decide what to do for Halloween, maybe I've had enough, maybe I need just plain old regular candy corn, or maybe I need to have my favorites and then put it all aside until next year.

The Crock-Pot

Don't ya just love the crock-pot? I do. I love putting dinner in in the morning and by 4:00 the house smells of our delicious dinner. We do regularly entice the kids friends to stay for dinner with the smell. I have used my crock-pot every day this week, yes I realize its only Tuesday, but I'm not being picky. Yesterday's dinner wasn't a smashing success, but tonight's smells really good right now, its a lentil stew. Besides, since dinner was already cooking I had plenty of time to make the apple strudel for FHE! I love that you can take a cheap cut of meat and make it super yummy. Plus its such a fall/cool weather thing. I love that I can take a few minutes to throw dinner together, then no matter how crazy my day gets dinner is done and I don't end up eating out because I'm too tired or just not in the mood to cook. I am also a HUGE fan of soups and my crock-pot gets plenty of use making soup. Its the appliance that helps me feel like a pulled together homemaker-yummy food, and sense of self all wrapped in one.

I'm coming around

I've got some things on my mind that I want to take a minute to write down. I've been on a kind of journey lately. For the last year, plus I've been trying to get control over our finances. Little tricks I used to use stopped working, and I needed to reevaluate and make some changes. I asked a good friend for some tips and have saved and used them, it really helped get me pointed in the right direction. I stopped being afraid of those lessons in church and conference talks about living providently, and opened up to what I could learn and use. I have read books, talks, anything that could give me inspiration and renew my commitment to this. I decided to read the Book of Mormon looking for more inspiration and guidance. It has been a long journey, but we have had our best month (financially) in years, at least since we moved into our house-and we have lived here for 9 years. I have found joy in living simply. I can be creative in finding solutions. I think the economy has made it easier for me to just flat out say "I can't afford it", people are being more honest, we're all trying to do better. I still have a long way to go, this requires constant diligence. One of the things I keep telling myself is that; if I can figure out how to manage my weight (something I once thought impossible) I can figure this out, and with a lot of prayer and faith I think I am.

Another thing. I love homeschooling my kids. Every once in a while feelings of insecurity creep in and I wonder if I'm doing enough, if my kids would be better off back in school. I feel like I am turning a corner. I am starting to have more faith in the process, and the method I have chosen. I think part of what is helping me is seeing the results in my kids. They are doing great and really love to learn, especially when I get out of the way, and try to follow their lead. Shelby is working on a model of the Solar System, how cool is that? I think we'll tackle trig. tomorrow, or maybe build a jet engine or a windmill that will power our house. But seriously, I am also seeing a need for me to study more. I have been reading a lot of mindless stuff lately and its time to put that aside and get back to stretching my mind so that I can better inspire my kids in their studies.

Scrapbooking

3 Posts in one week! What is going on with me? Did you check out the girls "cooking video"? Should I be worried about Sarah and the knives? Just Kidding. She has been quite delightful this week as she is trying to earn her room back. That's right I took her room away, all she has is a bed. I think the dresser will come back today, and probably her two precious dolls that were lost in the war on Monday.

Anyway, back to the subject at hand. Scrapbooking. I love it! I really do. Even though I spend more time cleaning and organizing my scrapbook stuff than actually creating pages. Last night was scrapbook night with some of my very dear friends. That is the best part of scrapbooking for me, getting together with friends, eating (though I only used 8 flex points-yea me!), and sharing family memories. My favorite scrapbooks are the ones that center around a theme: Nana's Christmas Jammies, Sarah's "I'm just...3", the girls dance picture books, and the "School of Life" books. This is my creative outlet, everyone needs one, I think, and this is mine. I love looking back and reminiscing, ans seeing how cute my kids were when they were little (they're still cute, just not quite so little anymore-sigh). I had a great time last night and then this morning I visited Stacy Julian's blog- the link is on my sidebar. She is my favorite scrapbooker. I love her philosophy behind scrapbooking. I actually got to take a class from her before she was the superstar she is now, when she was working a Paper Hearts in Sandy. I can proudly say she designed pages in Shelby's baby book. Scrapbooking has come a long way since then. Anyway, visiting her blog, and scrapbooking last night reminded me how much I love this hobby, and why I keep doing it even though I'll never be "caught up" whatever that is. There will always be a story to tell, and scrapbooking is one way that tell mine.

I Lost it - for a minute

Its true. I had a moment, and it was a bad moment. Sometimes life gets to me, I had to leave. Not one of my finest moments. I realize I chose this life, I have set it up this way. Honestly 99% of the time I love it, and it makes me happy. I seriously have moments where I am struck with the thought "I'm Happy, I love my life!" However, I tend to be a bit of a perfectionist(that may be understating a bit), sometimes that side gets the best of me. I'm not proud. To save my sanity, and my children, I ran away. To the Maverik. Nothing like a big Maverik cookie and a Diet Pepsi(not ready to sharpen my sword, by giving it up just yet). So there it is, the honest truth. On the bright side, I did go home, and we are having a pretty good day.

My First 5k

I ran my first 5k last Saturday! It was awesome! My goal was to run the whole thing-no walking, and I did it. I wasn't going for a certain time, I just didn't want to embarrass myself, by finishing last or falling, or getting sick, or something like that. As I got close to the end of the race I started thinking about everything that has lead up to this race; losing 108 pounds (not a number I like to talk about, but there it is), gaining 40 back, and losing 20 of it again (I still have 20 more to go), learning how to exercise, and becoming any kind of runner. I'm glad I didn't wait until I was at my goal weight or some other thing that in my mind would have made it perfect, before I ran this race, I set the goal and trained for it the way I am right now. I'm glad that I had so many friends there and especially that I got to run with Tiff.

MY family was awesome! Darren loaded up the kids, including Carter, and took them to cheer us on along the way, then they followed us up to the finish line. My dad was there cheering us on. As I came around the final turn my family was there at the finish line still cheering. Seeing Shelby jumping up and down made me start to cry, not a good combination after running for 35 minutes.

I'm not ready to become a big runner, but I know that I could if I wanted to. I have to admit that I am pretty proud of myself that at 35 I ran my first 5k!

What did I just do?

I registered for the Pony Express Days 5K! Holy crap! I know a 5k isn't that long, but I've never done a race before and now I'm a little, no a lot, nervous. I printed out my training schedule, and figured out that I should start training this week! Holy Crap! Good thing I have a run planned with Mandi tomorrow. I've always toyed with the idea of doing a 5k and when Mandi decided to run a half marathon I decided that I would give it a go. So, after talking with Mandi today I went ahead and signed up. I'm excited, I'm not looking to do anything, but finish and run the whole thing. Tiff is supposed to be doing this with me, so here we go.

Also, on another note. We went to Las Vegas last week. Tiffanie had a conference and it was a great excuse to visit Melanie. You can get an overview of our trip on Melanie's blog, and I promise I will post some pictures soon, not just of our trip, but I want to show off my April Fools day dinner, and my school room and coat closet (I was thinking today that of all the improvements we've done on our house the closets are my favorite).

Well, wish me luck as I train for this run. I'm reminding myself that this is supposed to be fun!

I feel lost

I don't know what to think anymore. Hayley had an awesome post about how the blogging world has changed. It made me think back to when I started this blog about a year ago, I used to write a lot more of what I think. I loved that this was an outlet for me to put whatever thoughts ran through my mind, and then something changed. I'm not sure exactly what, maybe I felt I put too much out there. I do hate to feel judged, and I over analyze everything I say, and when I get feedback that I read as critical that makes me pull back. Right now I feel like nothing I do is enough. I've been trying to please a lot of people and I feel 'me' slipping away. I'm not really sure what to do, because no matter what I do, it always seems to be read wrong by someone, and I can't take it anymore. So to be safe I have resorted to the safe pictures of my kids, and basic updates of what's going on, but its not really what's going on. I guess I'm putting this out there in an attempt to get part of myself back. Hope you all still love me anyway.